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Welcome to the ninth edition of ASK THE OVERTHINKER, a different kind of advice column. I’m your semi-solicited advice-giver, Eleanor Cummins, and this week I’m offering truly unsolicited advice on things I think would make your life better. Have a question for The Overthinker? Share it anonymously here and it might be included in the next edition.
Indyx (app)
This app quite literally changed my life. It combines an eight-week, self-paced workshop on identifying your personal style with a digital wardrobe a la Clueless. The goal is simple: to reduce clothing waste by buying things you actually want to pair and wear. I thought it sounded way too simple, but I haven’t regretted a single purchase I’ve made in the ~8 months since I downloaded it, and I have bought a lot less stuff overall. My three words? “Gen-Z Emily Gilmore.” Duh!
Last fall, I had to have an MRI, and the tech asked me what music I wanted to listen to in the tube. He seemed truly shocked when I said “yacht rock,” but reported to me via loudspeaker in the imaging room that he had, in fact, found a yacht rock playlist on Pandora. For the 12 minutes I was in the MRI machine, we rocked out together.
For this new (and I think enduring) musical era of my life, I owe a credit to my sister, Sarah, who literally went on a year-long Steely Dan fast for all of 2023 in order to keep the best music ever made fresh for her ears. Needless to say, this New Year’s Day was a big, big celebration for her.
Quaker meeting
After spending about 15 years as the world’s second most resentful anti-religious, mean-spirited little skeptic (first being Christopher Hitchens), I have become … an evangelist. Liberal Quakerism quite simply rocks. It allows you to come together with other thoughtful people, trying to make sense of the world, and live righteously within it — and you don’t actually have to “believe” in anything. As a atheist Quaker myself, I simply subscribe to the Quaker SPICES: simplicity, peace, integrity, community, equality, and stewardship.
At $188 bucks for a sports bra, this is a ludicrously expensive recommendation, but if you have shoulder/neck/jaw pain, I truly believe it’s worth the investment. I was influenced on this myself; the company is running a genius Instagram ad about how Taylor Swift trains in the FDA-approved bra to improve her posture and breathing. And I remained sort unconvinced even as I forked off all my money to Formé. But within a week, it became clear that not only did this bra alleviate my chronic pain each time I wore it (even though it doesn’t feel any more restrictive than a regular sports bra???), it was also improving my literal shoulder anatomy over time. Five stars.
One note: If you order it, make sure to compare your measurements to the sizing guide. They have bad return policies, and you’ll probably need to order a size up from what you’re used to! I did that (and so did my sister, and my mom) and it worked out for all of us.
This essentially wipes away your (my?) (our?) mustache with no effort and no pain. What more can I say?
Julie Delpy Movies
The Before Trilogy? Be still my heart.White (from the Trois Couleurs trilogy)? I belly laugh just thinking about it. This woman has *taste*, ok? She can pick a g-damn project. She is, in actual fact, a Botticelli angel. We should all be grateful.
Saunas
In the last year, I’ve completely reshaped by identity around the Russian banya, the Turkish hammam, the Korean spa, the Finnish sauna. I truly believe this is the meaning of life: going from extreme heat, to extreme cold, with some fresh fruit in between.
Ingrown hairs plague us all. First Aid Beauty actually figured out how to fix them, with these magical wipes, that instantly calm inflamed skin, and in a day or two actually eliminate ingrown hairs altogether.
THAT SAID, I see in recent reviews the manufacturing of the pads has changed, and the recipe for the salve might also have been reformulated, so take this with a big grain of salt but: the original incarnation solved one of humanity’s longest-standing challenges.
Time-limited therapy
I see now that everyone is supposedly over therapy. And all I can say is, I’ve been on this for years, fam! I know I’m literally training to be a therapist, and I’m so, so excited about it, but you really do NOT need to be in therapy every single week for the rest of your life. That was always kind of a wackadoo idea. In reality, behavior therapies like cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) have always been time-limited, ranging from as little as 12 sessions to about a year of work. And any therapeutic modality, even analysis, can be treated this way! Whether it takes you seven sessions, or seven years, get in, get what you need, and get out. (At least until something new actually happens, and you need to get back in again… C’est la vie!)
As a person with many body-oddities*, shoes mostly hurt me. Not these! They are stunning — almost exact knock-offs of The Row’s bajillion-dollar version. The leather gently conforms to even wide feet. And I theorize the little heel, while otherwise indiscernible, provides some arch and hip support.
*said in a Meg Thee Stallion voice
Zine-making
My friend Indigo introduced me to regular collaging as a reflective + artistic practice about a decade ago now. Recently, with her help (and the help of Hannah and Jess and Ellen, too, love you guys), I’ve taken this to the next level by creating more narrative through-lines, transforming standalone collages into larger zines. As I’ve moved out of journalism, and been weary of words, I’ve found it very healing to explore my life through images!
Where to start? Join our collage club!
Avatar: The Last Airbender (original series)
I feel like this is something everyone has already seen, but I’m here to say: See it again. I just completed my second watch in four years, and it gets better every time. This is truly philosophy in a kid’s cartoon. I learn more about love and sacrifice and purpose from Aang and the crew than from almost any other media in my life. It’s also on Netflix. So no excuses, really.
Breathing
On one hand, this sounds like an insane recommendation. On the other hand, it seems kind of trite, because I do think breathing seems like a bit of a fad lately? But let me tell you, learning how to breathe is a game-changer. It helps you regulate your emotions, it improves your posture, and quite literally generates energy. The key, I think, is understanding how your diaphragm is actually moving, and allowing our bellies to inflate on the inhale (counter to all the programming we’ve received about "flat abs” and “tight tummies”).
PSA: If better breathing is also on your to-do, and you want some specific advice, email me! I’m currently taking a class in therapeutic breathing and would be delighted to share my insights with you :)
The Other Olympians by Michael Waters
And I would be remiss if I didn’t call to your attention the greatest literary event of the year: My dear friend Michael Waters’ debut non-fiction book is out on June 4! It’s a truly incredible untold history of gender policing in sports, which (surprise, surprise!) has its origins in Nazi ideology. In addition to all the incredible revelations tucked away inside, it’s also got a gorgeous cover that will look fantastic on your bookshelf.
BONUS: Two NYC-specific suggestions:
The Met’s Harlem Renaissance & Transatlantic Modernism Exhibit: On view through July 28, this exhibit made me believe in curation again! I thought it would mostly focus on, you know, Harlem, but instead it took me around the world and back, all through the eyes of some of the most criminally underrated portraitists and painters of the 20th century. Seriously, the interpretations of Cubism alone are worth the price of admission (which, btw, is $0 for residents — all the more reason you should run, not walk, to this show).
Metrograph: I am afraid to blow up “my” spot but… this is the place to see movies. $50 for an annual membership gets you $10 tickets to every screening at their theater on Ludlow. It also gets you access to their at-home screening service, which is basically just as good as the in-person stuff. They have an incredible curation of old films, not only from the US, but also Korean cinema, Hong Kong cinema, and beyond. Almost everything I’ve seen here has brought me immense joy.
Strong feelings about this week’s advice? Leave a comment below or find me on Instagram @elliepses.
Perfect timing. Is my posture trash? Absolutely. Could I be breathing better? Probably. Quaker meeting? Only if a Hot Priest is sitting directly across from me. Identifying my personal style? So, SO hard.